Without Phil -- A video message to honour my wonderful husband Phil who ...

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Negative Frustration/Positive Energy

How to turn a case of frustration into positive energy. Lack of information and many questions needing answers. Where to start? Making a difference, just being heard. I'm a so called interested party BUT my thoughts and feelings don't count. I live with things every day. Apparently the stress and strain of everything doesn't matter. I have to make sure that I am heard. Write a well worded document,making a statement about how things are, what a day is like,how i am feeling. trying to understand WHY I feel the way I do? How to fix the feelings I have? Being angry, frustrated. Trying to make sure I am taking care of myself, getting the love and encouragement I need. How do I do that when there is not any. When something I want I know deep down i will never have. Its just an idea that's getting me through a rough time. So...am I really fooling myself. Tonight I feel so alone...questioning what is really getting me through.I have the love and care of those I consider close...
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Facing a blank Page

was so excited to write today, starting a new project and all putting things on paper, creating. Then events turn that excitement to worry, anxiety and looking at a blank page with no where to begin. Ideas gone out the window in a flash. Feelings of guilt and shame for saying things that were never ment. For pushing so hard and upsetting someone you love so much. How do you find that spark again,the desire to create something for that person. A gift of yourself. Not being able to deal with the anxiety is the worst part. You know what the trigger is but how to you fix it is the problem. Worry to the point of being physically ill and no clue of how to fix any, write a word. Let alone eat. As much as you just want to shut out the world, turn off communication and hide from any and everyone, finding the strength to work so hard to keep the communication there, just in case they might want you. Why is it being alone can be so gut wrenching? your heart aches for someone, anyone to talk to, g...
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Positive/Negative flip

5 Positive things for today 1)got outside, exercise 2)time alone 3)talked to friends 4)listened to music and looked at pictures to help relax me 5)took a nap **5 Negative things 1)still angry about things I cant control -- still upset about things that are out of my control.need to let go and get on with things 2)Still think with my heart NOT my head -- work on NOT being so emotional about issues. 3)didn't journal -- started doing something that helps and didn't keep it going. making a point to go back to it. 4)didn't work on house, get it cleaned up -- get more disciplined at cleaning up. make a to do list. 5)take a little more time for me -- do some knitting or something that I ENJOY David gave me a positive negative flip -- everything has a positive/negative side....look for the positive no mater how small.
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